What to do when you get thrown up on?

By Darren J. Gillespie, LCSW

Have you ever felt unfairly attacked? It happens sometimes. When a simple “Hey, you can’t do that” would do, you get “What the heck do you think you are doing! I’ve told you over and over and you can’t seem to get through you brain – You can’t do that! Whenever you feel like the punishment did not fit the “crime” you may be being thrown up on. In psychology, we call it displacement. This happens when someone is worked up about something one thing and then somehow it gets dumped out on you, undeservingly. This is no fun for the innocent bystander – so what to do, not if but, when it happens to you next. Here are 4 step:

1. Get through it – allow yourself to have whatever initial response you will. It is upsetting and you are in auto response mode so don’t be too hard on yourself.
2. When you calm down some, admit to any small part that you could have done better and work to adjust this.
3. Remember: People who are this critical are themselves not healthy. It is them, not you.
4. Remind yourself of the facts about yourself in contrast to their attacks. This is closer to reality and will feel more compassionate and accurate as well.

We can’t avoid displacement, but we can recover more quickly as we learn good mental health coping.  Good luck!