What To Do With Baby Blues – Spouse Edition

Yay! Ya’ll had a baby! Congratulations mates! Sometimes despite the happiness that is supposed to come as a result of bringing that little bundle of joy into the world, it is followed with unexplainable sadness from the person who worked the hardest to get that baby here. As their partner you might be experiencing inadequacy trying to juggle being supportive with being helpless. Trust me I’ve been there and it’s not pretty. Postpartum depression aka baby blues is real and so is the struggle that comes with it. Nobody ever prepares you properly for it – especially not as the partner but I have three tips that I’ve used personally which success!

Stop trying to fix it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to rectify the situation when my partner gets the baby blues. I have the hardest time restraining my inner Fix It Felix because I have a tendency to be solution-focused and want to fix EVERYTHING when it’s the last thing my partner wants. Instead resist the urge to break out the mental toolbox because not every situation has a tool for the job. Sometimes it’s enough to just offer an empathetic ear or to just be there physically not saying anything at all.

Don’t ask,  just do. More often than not, you can’t do anything with words for your partner when they are experiencing baby blues but you can do a ton with actions! There is a difference between trying to “fix” it mentally versus physically. I have learned that doing the dishes or giving the kids a bath and doing the nighttime routine is the equivalent to being able to satiate my innate desire to “fix” it from the point made earlier.

Take care of you too. Let’s face it mate, postpartum depression affects EVERYBODY not just the one suffering from it! These are hard times for you as well. Self-care is going to be critical during this difficult time. Remember, you have to be on your A game for yourself before you can be on your A game for your partner. So don’t be afraid to treat yo’self and do the things that bring you joy and refuel your tank. I know the idea of finding joy when your partner is suffering sounds guilt-inducing but again I cannot stress enough how absolutely necessary it is for you to be in a good place in order to be there for your partner.

Cheers!

Your Friendly Neighborhood Therapist!

 

By Jameson Holman, LMFT