How to Not Get Overwhelmed During the Holidays

By Darren J. Gillespie, LCSW

One of the top reasons we get overwhelmed during the holidays is the same reason we get overwhelmed all year – OVEREXTENDING OURSELVES. There is lots of fun things to do, lots of family, and lots of preparation. But we are only one person and we have limits: physical and emotional. Have you ever over committed yourself to do more things than you wanted. Maybe you’ve already done it this year. Here is something to try. Julie De Azevedo Hanks gives several ideas of how to deal with this issue in her new book: The assertiveness guide for Women. She says to start by learning to say no. We all know this, but how. The first tip is quite simple: NEVER GIVE AN ANSWER ON THE SPOT. You often need time to consider your answer. What might you say if asked on the spot the following question: Can you bring two pies to the party tomorrow? or Could we do it at your place this year? You may have time and be happy to or you may just agree because you feel pressured – either way taking some time to decide on your own will make you feel better about your choice. Like I said Dr. Julie Hanks has “written the book” on this. Try some of her scripted responses this year and see if it doesn’t help. Here they are:

• “I can’t give you an answer right now, will you check back with me?”
• “I’m going to say no for now. I’ll let you know if something changes.”
• “I want to, but I’m unable to.”

I say these myself as well:

• “Let me check with Marsha.”(my beautiful wife)
• “I need to see what I have that night.”
• “I need to think about it. I will get back with you about that.”

Start with these and experiment. You will feel more empowered instantly. If you want to learn more about assertiveness I would rank Hank’s book as the best of many I’ve read on the subject. Happy Holidays.