By Scott Parker, CSW
Sometimes, in relationships, we want something from our partner so intensely that it feels almost like a biological need. Fearing this need will not be met can sometimes lead to desperate behavior that actually pushes our partner away. Here are three tips that can help:
1. Identify the need. What do you really want? Underneath a surface need is often a deeper longing. For example, if you’re bothered that your partner never takes out the trash, this could come from a deeper desire to be respected.
2. Communicate the need. No issue is too small. You need to open up to your partner and let them know what you want to change, and why it is so important to you. Using “I” statement, instead of accusatory “you” statements can help the tone of the conversation stay productive.
3. If your partner is unable or unwilling to meet your need, try to get it met in other ways. If you’re looking for intellectual stimulation, join a book club. If validation of your worth is lacking, consider focusing on religious worship and connection with a higher power.